How many times did I tell everyone that I would never have another baby? How many times did I swear that I was sending Brandon for a vasectomy? I’d guess at least once per day for the first two years of the boys life. That’s how you know the nearly 5 years of bitching from my first pregnancy until now, means nothing. Because here I am, pregnant again, begging Brandon to get me another shower chair. They say when you’re done having kids, you’ll know but the only thing I’ve known was that I was not ready for all of the lasts with the boys to be my last forever. Will there be a 4th? I don’t know but I definitely know never to say never like I did as I was giving ALL OF MY BABY STUFF AWAY in 2017.. only to get pregnant with BOY NUMBER 3 2 years later. Idiot.
There are definitely some differences between my last pregnancy and this one. The major difference being that there’s only one baby – PRAISE.
One baby versus two babies
I hear that the universe only gives you what you can handle and man, the universe knew that we could NOT do two kids at the same time, ever again. While I’m (almost) 19 weeks along, I look like I did when I was 28 weeks pregnant with two. I’m blaming it on the stretching those boys did to my uterus, that girl is tired. Other than looking like an elephant, I have to be that bitch who I hated before; this pregnancy thing isn’t so bad. I had waves of nausea in the beginning but nothing that a bagel couldn’t fix. I’ve had some pretty rough headaches but that could easily be from nursing school, not from baby boy. I definitely don’t remember EVER being this tired before but I’m guessing that’s because I have two tiny terrorists ruling my house in addition to trying to cross the finish line of this program. While we can theorize that it’s because there is only one baby this time, I know PLENTY of women who have had incredibly difficult pregnancies with one baby. I feel incredibly lucky, honestly. The only downside to this is that because I’m not vomiting, people, like my husband, don’t think this pregnancy thing is still hard work. Do the dishes? Did you forget that I’m growing an entire human with my body over here? You do the dishes, and get me my shower chair! #AllOfMyExesRejoice
Luckily, Baby L is behaving and cooperating with me. He has been in there kicking away and living his best life while I’m out here, demanding lemonades, donuts and shower chairs (read as: living MY best life).
No one cares that you’re pregnant again
The excitement about your first pregnancy and the excitement about your second (but third kid) pregnancy, are vastly different. The first time, there are tears and celebrations and no one can wait to find out what you’re having and what’s the nursery? Do you have names picked out? What do you want to have? How are you feeling? Are you sick? What can I bring you? Is Brandon so excited? There has to be something that I can help you with! *Texts every single day*
By the time the third kid comes around its like, eh you know what you’re doing and you still did this? Good luck, sister. Call me when you can drink again. And then they literally forget that you’re even pregnant until they see you, stuffed into an outfit because you also gave away your maternity clothes when you swore you’d never do this again.
I don’t care about all of the things I cared about before
With the boys, I spent so much time trying to figure out what they would wear home from the hospital and what their nursery would look like. It had to be perfect for my new additions! And as a first time mom, I 100% UNDERSTAND THAT. But, I’m over being the pinterest mom at this point.
$55 theme-matching sheets on Etsy? Ya girl is about to change the theme to “solid colors” or “things I can get on Amazon for under $19.99”. Coming home outfits? Well, you mean the 12m pajama onesie that Luke just grew out of? Only the hospital staff can judge me and even when they are talking about the mom who didn’t even buy her baby clothes, they can’t identify me #HIPAA so, win win win!
I am not stressing about how to make homemade baby food or how to entertain him without screen time. I am not stressing that he will be different or grow up to be a serial killer. I am not stressing that I’ll never fit into a bikini again because, we already know that’s not happening. I’m not stressing that Brandon will drop him on the stove or down the stairs or not help me after my c-section. I’m not stressing about the NICU, bedrest, the fear of being tired when he comes home, losing myself in motherhood and changing completely. I am not stressing about any of it.
I know that he will survive with a couple of blankets, my boobs (or formula if they decide not to work) and a few onesies if I never get around to getting anything else ready. The unknowns are not as unknown as they were last time and while I actually know how bad it’ll suck in the beginning this time.. and then every day there after, it’s not what my imagination runs with, it’s based on actual fact this time, and I know we’ll survive it.
We’ll see how the next 21ish weeks go, things can change quickly in pregnancy as most of us know but I send out my daily thankful vibes to whoever is listening for how far we’ve gotten to this point. Now if those same Gods would send me a way to control Carter…
Until next time, wish me luck!