Is anyone else around here in too many Facebook Mommy groups? I mainly use them as a form of pure entertainment because some of those ladies sure do love to play the ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ game with anyone who does things a little bit differently than they do #sanctimommiesunite. It typically turns into a battle royale of who is the BEST mom but little do they know that the REAL best mom is too busy reading their thread of 403 comments, sipping wine and thanking GOD that I have better things to do than argue with other moms from behind a keyboard. Hint: it’s me. I’m the best.
Real talk though. I’m in this twin boy mommy group and it’s actually fairly calm compared to some of the groups I’ve witnessed. The other day, this sweet new mom gets on and says “people are telling me it’ll get easier? does it? when?” I creeped on her profile and saw pictures of this woman who looked a little younger than me with two brand new tiny humans. They couldn’t have been more than a few months old. I immediately had flashbacks to the boys at that age and shivered.
I have a very distinct memory of the boys on their 4-month congrats-on-being-pulled-from-my-body-versary. I was 110% miserable. I wanted so badly to be the mom who was loving every second of her newborns and glowing from being so happy but I was so, so far from that. Even to this day I don’t think I had post-partum, I think it was just fucking hard. Luke had reflux and when I tell you that he screamed 24/7 for 4 months straight, I am telling the 100% truth. Carter was a fairly easy baby, if there even is a such thing but two at once was more than I was ever prepared for. I remember forcing myself to set them up on their little mat and get out their little 4 month sticker and take the picture. I mean, really forcing myself. I knew that I would be mad if I had every other month but not month 4. It was physically painful for me to even do it because I wanted nothing more than to forget this month had ever happened.
I wanted so badly to comment on her post and tell her it does but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t lie to her.
Spoiler alert: it doesn’t get easier. Kids are not and will never be EASY. I was always so mad at the people who would tell me how hard it was going to be with the addition of “it’ll be worth it”.
“It can’t be that hard” I thought to myself. There are so many people who have kids, so there must be something great behind it. LOL How cute and naive was I? Maybe it’s different because I was #blessed with two at once but man, some days, I truthfully do wonder if it’s worth it. BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT…
Do I regret my kids? No. They are my world but holy shit man, what I wouldn’t do for a week of doing whatever I wanted to do. Even when you have time to rest, you can’t. Your mind is always back to the kids and planning out next steps. What has to be done to make the morning less chaotic? What needs to be washed or de-sanitized? Did I throw out those shitty diapers this morning? What should I cook them for dinner tonight? What should we do this weekend for ‘fun’? It never ends. My world revolves around them and they’ve literally pushed myself further and harder to be a better person for them for which I am THANKFUL but wow, this is exhausting. And, it’s only been a year and a half.
So while I wanted desperately to tell this mom that it gets easier to help her survive this moment of panic she was having, I told her that “it doesn’t get easier but you get better at handling the chaos”. She probably called me an asshole for not telling her that there’s a magical age where it all slows down (that’s what I did when the boys were that age) but I always found the “what do you mean? this is hard? parenting is #life! #blessed #twinlifeissogreat” comments to be so much worse when I felt like I wasn’t going to make it out alive.
I feel like what I said was the brutal truth but with a hug attached to it. You learn to tune out the tantrums that are getting bigger by the day. You learn that poop on your hand won’t kill you and it’s actually easier to catch it in your hand than to clean it out of the carpet. You learn that the stomach bug that the kids can play through will destroy you for 72 hours but sometimes its worth it for the quick 7 lb weight loss. You learn that even when you feel like your failing, your kids still think you’re the best thing ever (talking about toddlers here, not teenagers). You learn something new every single day that (sort of) helps you for the challenges that the next day will bring because there is always another challenge. Always.
So to any mamas going through it right now, no matter what age, just remember that this parenting roller coaster has its dips but that’s to set you up for a high (only to be plummeted back down so fast that it makes you want to get off of the ride all together) 🙂
As per usal,
Wish me luck xoxo