This morning, we ended up at the park, mainly to waste time because it’s the only place the boys are happy. As long as those little dudes are outside, we typically avoid major meltdowns which in turn, saves my sanity. So while my house is literally disgusting and I’m getting absolutely nothing done on the weekends because I’m spending all of my time outside, at least we are (mostly) smiling.
Brandon got the iPhone 8+ and the camera is truly amazing so he was snapping pics while we sipped (pumpkin) coffee and the boys ran around (with their fresh new haircuts). These days, I like being behind the camera as opposed to being in front of it which most of you know to be a HUGE change from the Kayla from a few years ago but Brandon doesn’t really care and he snapped away without trying to crop me out of anything.
Something that I get a lot of comments about is how much people ‘love that I keep it real’ about the mommying thing. I never understood what people were talking about until I started paying attention to the Insta-moms and other mommy blogs. A friend of mine sent me a screen-shot of this Insta-mommy who had just given birth to twins. She had makeup on, hair done and was smiling down at two sleeping little humans. We lauuugghhheddd as we remembered back to how she actually did my hair in the hospital to make me look alive again because I looked like ACTUAL death after throwing up for 24 hours and at that point, I hadn’t even held my alien-esque but sweet, preemie babies.
Even today, you will never find a picture of me in full hair and makeup, well fitted clothing and two smiling children with my clean, spotless house in the background while my perfect husband smiles at us off to the side. This is not to say that I don’t wish I had my old, tighter body back, time to do my hair and makeup and two kids who didn’t avoid looking into the camera as if I’ve traumatized them with the billions of pictures I’ve taken. This is not to say that I don’t pray every single day that I’ll hit the lottery and be able to afford a maid service and maybe get around to fixing up our well-loved but hot mess of a house. This is also not to say that my husband isn’t perfect for us, because he is but you’ll never find us pretending like having kids has been a blessing in our marriage at all times because this shit is hard. This is not to put those Insta-mommys down either. In fact, I envy them. I wish I could even fake that shit for a picture but the reality is this picture instead.
In this picture, you’ll see a mom who is 25 pounds heavier than she ever said she would be and can barely stand to look at herself in the mirror these days but also can’t stop eating oreos, either. This is a mom who didn’t even have time to brush her hair (or teeth, let’s be serious) this morning because she was too busy getting the rambunctious toddlers together to even worry about herself. In fact, she didn’t even have time to find clean clothes and just threw on what she had on yesterday, stains and all. This is a picture of a mom who desperately needs that coffee because even though she got a full 7 hours of sleep, she will never feel well-rested but that’s probably because she’s trying to take on the world to make a better life for her babes who cannot sit still for one minute, even to take a damn picture. This is a perfect picture of how twin life is, though – kids reaching for shit they shouldn’t be, shoes off and more than likely, someone is chewing on a rock or bug that they shoved into their mouth while we weren’t looking.
It may not be everyone’s reality, it may just be my own hot-mess reality but that’s just how it goes. It’s far from glamorous and most days I’m struggling to hold it together, even 18-months in, but someday I’ll have time to lose the weight and clean my house when my boys want nothing to do with me, until then, I’ll love my own hot-mess reality.
Until next time!
Wish me luck….