It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been 8 months since my little angels made their grand entrance into this world. To say that it’s been a dramatically life-changing event would still be an understatement. Waking up rested, late nights with friends and free time are all mostly a thing of the past. It’s been an adventure becoming ‘mommy’ with a squishy body, accepting this new role as the coordinator of two little human lives and finding joy in doing it. Change is hard and boy, has life changed. Just because I’m head over heels in love with these boys, doesn’t always make the change easier like people lie and say it does. Over the past month or so, I’ve really found some tricks to accepting and loving this change and being the best mommy I can be… until the boys start talking. Then, I’ll need to find something new to help me, most likely hard liquor.
This is one of the newer things I’ve come across thanks to my youngest brother (who I’m convinced will take over the world at some point). I resisted for a long time because who the hell has time to work on themselves when their are two babies to care for? I finally gave in to some TED talks online (https://www.ted.com/talks) about parenting and ended up listening to them for a solid hour, totally pumped about this journey of motherhood which if you know me, is really saying something. There’s something about hearing other people be successful that makes you think ‘You know what, I can do that too’ and makes you WANT to do it. I’ve been working in a lot of different areas in my life, not just mommying. Work, wife-life, fitness, finances, diets – you can find tools to succeed in it all. What’s a better way to create a good environment for your kids than by starting with yourself? For best results, take 10-20 minutes in the morning EVERY SINGLE DAY to read or listen to some self-development in whatever area you are looking to improve your life to help motivate you for the day. I just finished “The Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy and I HIGHLY recommend it. Motivation is like showering, do it daily or the results wear off. Or every couple of days, no judgement here…
Listen, some days are going to be better than others. Some days, your kids are going to giggle and smile all day and you’ll wonder why you didn’t do this sooner but most days, they are going to blow out all of their diapers and scream because they don’t want to be put down and on those days while you’re wondering why you did this at all, you are going to need some extra love in the form of a (large) glass of wine. My personal favorite is Bartenura Moscato. Most people want to punch me for loving moscato because it’s not ‘real wine’ but it’s like dessert in a bottle to me and I freakin love it. Always have a couple of bottles of your favorite mommy juice around, just in case you actually find time to enjoy some!
This is by far, the hardest one for me. It takes constant practice and I’m far from good at it.
I looked at Carter around 5-6 months and realized that without looking at a picture, I couldn’t remember how tiny he was when he brought him home. It had only been 6 months but I was already forgetting a lot of little details. Sure, some of that can be chalked up to sleep deprivation but I felt bad, as though I wasn’t taking the time to really look at my babies and enjoy the fleeting moments, even when it was hard. Sometimes, I am missing moments because I’m too busy checking facebook or making sure I’m kicking my brothers ass in fantasy football. However, someday, the boys won’t need me to hold their bottles or rock them to sleep. Someday, they won’t want to wear footie pajamas or splash around in the bathtub. I’m going to miss those moments but I’ll never remember what bullshit so-and-so was spewing on social media or what the scores were. This is probably the hardest thing to do because sometimes, you do want to check out. Some days, you absolutely need to check out and that’s ok! But, I’ve been trying to remind myself that these days aren’t going to last forever and someday, when my boys are away at training camp (#vicariousmom), I’m going to miss the little screaming babies snuggling into my chest to fall asleep, so I better take it in now while I can.
This is one that I’m finding to be the most helpful, for whatever reason. Before the boys were a thought in my mind, my husband and I had wanted to do some work to the house, redecorate and really make it a home. That got pushed to the back burner immediately once we found out we were expecting and obviously, the house is more of a mess than I can really even tolerate but there are more important things to take care of in this moment in time. Living in a mess is chaotic to me, I feel out of whack and totally not together in the slightest. By doing simple projects, cleaning out closets (goodbye, my short little dresses) and getting some new furniture, I feel like my life is less stressful. By doing the things that I had set out to do long ago, I can walk into my house and feel comfortable instead of feeling like I have 4 million things to do and no time to do it. Don’t get me wrong, I actually have 4 millions things to do and no time to do it but because I’m actually getting something done now, it just feels better. Babies are easier to handle when you aren’t looking directly into a pile of clothes that you’ve been saying you would sort for 4 months now
Taking care of me
This is another hard one because who the hell has time but I swear, it does wonders if you can fit it in. One of the hardest things about becoming mommy is that I don’t have time to be me so when I’m looking in the mirror, I’m like “oh man” instead of “oh hey!”. I don’t have time to wash and dry my hair (although, I never did it anyway) so it’s always in a frizzy mess. I don’t have hours to work out and meal prep so the double chin is here to stay. I don’t have time to sit and let my nails dry so I walk around naked nailed (which I hate!!!) and I don’t even dare to try on clothes that I haven’t worn in a while so I’m typically just in black yoga pants and a baggy tshirt (to hide the ‘are you pregnant again!?’ belly). I’m the hot mess mom you hope you will never be. In an effort to change that, I’ve been doing little things here and there for myself and I’m finding it’s amazing what a manicure and straightening your hair will do for your mood. I can’t even imagine what an eye brow wax would do for me! I ran/walked (a lot of) a 5k last week and for a second, I remembered how good it felt to work out (before the burning in my legs and lungs kicked in). I may not have the time, right now, to do everything I did pre-babies but taking the time to eat better, walk a little bit more and put myself together slightly helps me feel less like a zombie and more like a mom who doesn’t resent her kids for ruining her for life.
Sure, none of these things are groundbreaking theories or even long-lasting solutions to being supermom but if you’re trying, you’re succeeding in my book. I’ll be a GREAT mom today because the boys are at daycare for most of it but we will see how it goes tomorrow when I’m home with them all day…
Wish me luck…