Let me set the scene.
A glass of white wine sits still on the side table when suddenly, in the distance, a rumbling is heard. The white wine starts to ripple; just a little at first but as the rumbling gets louder, the ripples get bigger. As the glass of wine gets ready to fall off of the table, a monster appears. Her belly is covered in stretch marks (the lotion still isn’t working), hanging out from a shirt that is two sizes too small and her hair is in a frizzy bun on her head. She hasn’t showered in 2 days and her diet has consisted of only coffee, ice cream and wine. The bags under her eyes are so dark that no amount of makeup could ever cover it up, even if she could find the energy to put it on. She’s really quite a mess but looking forward to this wine.
The camera pans up to find me standing there, sighing because that glass of white wine is going to have to wait until later because a baby is crying, again.
I’m exhausted from a day of juggling two high needs babies* and all I want is an hour to myself. I am finding out that I’m not going to be the mom who ever has it together. I’m probably going to hold on to this baby weight until the boys leave for
college the NFL, subsequently, I’ll be wearing moo-moos just as long. I’m never well rested even if I get a full five hours and if I have any extra energy, I’m not using it to put on makeup. Prep food for healthy meals for the week? I’m sorry, I almost snapped my neck when I threw it back from laughing so hard. I’m far from together, I’m the jealous mom.
You have the crunchy moms.
These moms make their own deodorant and say no to epidurals. Organic everything, everywhere. Their kids will grow up to save the animals, save the homeless and save the world.
You have the sanctimoms.
This is the mom who will tap you on the shoulder when you’re feeding your baby a bottle to preach about the benefits of breastfeeding. They have no filter, always think they are right and their kids will most likely grow up to be the mean girls in high school.
You have the PTA mom.
She is highly involved in school and after school activities and always has a purse full of things that will save the day. She paints and colors with her kids and makes sure there are always activities around the house for them to do together. Her kids will grow up busy and well rounded.
You have the FitFam mom.
This is the mom who works out daily, regardless of if she got sleep or not. She makes sure her kids are eating well and growing up knowing that it’s important to be healthy. She rocks out with her 6-pack out shortly after giving birth because #fitlife. Her kids will grow up to be triathletes and personal trainers. #fitfam #startemyoung
You have the killin-it-erryday-moms.
This mom may be a mix of the things listed above (not the sanctimom because those moms are obvs a cut above the rest) or something of her own. She may not feel like she has it together but she hides it well from the rest of the world. Her kids will grow up with their own agenda and hopefully kick the mean girls in the face.
All moms fluctuate their ‘type’ depending on the day. Some days you’re a #fitfam mom, other days you heat up some frozen chicken nuggets and call it a day but either way, as a mom, you’re a BOSS.
Meanwhile, I’m just over here, in the corner, marathon eating donuts and wondering when my kids will stop crying. I’m the jealous mom and I STAY the jealous mom. Could I find time to work out and be a fit mom? Probably, but I would rather lay on the couch and be pissed at these moms on instagram for finding time to work out instead. Could I plant a garden and start living a healthier lifestyle? Yeah, I could. But I won’t. Could I buy clothes a little bit bigger so I don’t look like sausage busting out of it’s casing? Most definitely but that would require going to the store (see the part about how I would rather lay on the couch). Could I shower and blow dry my frizz down so I don’t look like such a mess? Yeah! Unfortunately, that all takes more work than I can even muster up at this point in my life so I’ll just be jealous of everyone else who does.
Talk to me people, I need someone to make me feel better! I want to hear what mom you most identify with. Not a mom? What’s one thing you wish you had more energy to do?
I’m off to shower.
Maybe even do my hair.
Wish me luck.
*two, you ask? Yeah, Carter has learned that in order to get some attention around here, you have to scream and be demanding like Luke. Cue mommy crying everyday.